So, Halloween just isn’t your thing—that’s cool. If the idea of dressing up, covering your lawn in styrofoam tombstones, and doling out handfuls of candy to strangers’ kids makes you want to retreat to your basement with a good movie, this is the list for you.
These movies aren’t spooky-adjacent; they’re just smart, cynical, existential, and just plain fun flicks to help you tune out the doorbell for a few hours. So don’t be ashamed—be that neighbor. Close the blinds, turn off the porch light, pop some corn, and take this Halloween off.
1
Fight Club
I’m breaking the first rule of Fight Club here, so I hope you’re appreciative. Forget costumes, and rip off the mask of consumerism with this absolute banger of a dark, psychological drama that’s also funny as hell. Edward Norton and Brad Pitt give career-defining performances in this David Fincher-directed masterpiece about a man who rails against his soul-sucking corporate life by starting an underground bare-knuckle fight club to feel alive again. With the mysterious Tyler Durden (Pitt) by his side, the club becomes a secretive national movement that spirals well out of control. It’s a bucketlist film, folks.
2
American Psycho
If you must add a little blood to your anti-Halloween festivities, you might as well make it satirical. While many Halloween costumes feature elaborate masks, prosthetics, and all manner of accessories, American Psycho‘s Patrick Bateman (Christian Bale) dons the most horrific costume of all—an investment banker. Behind his tailored designer suits, perfect smile, and obsessive grooming regime, Bateman is, as the title suggests, a psychopathic killer driven by vanity and nihilism, who lures colleagues and strangers to his swank Manhattan apartment, throws on some Huey Lewis, and starts swinging axes. Lay some plastic drop sheets down for this 2000 classic.
3
Idiocracy
Nothing is scarier than reality. And sadly, this Mike Judge dystopian comedy from 2006 has become more of a terrifying documentary than a joke. If you haven’t actually seen Idiocracy yet, do it while it’s still more funny than it is accurate. Luke Wilson is perfect as Joe Bauers, an average American who is cryogenically frozen and forgotten for 500 years. When he haphazardly emerges, America has devolved into a corporately-ruled country of energy-drink-obsessed morons with a porn star/pro wrestler named Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho (Terry Crews) for president. Joe is literally the smartest man on earth and, with the help of Rita (Maya Rudolph), a prostitute who was also frozen at the same time, finds himself charged with the task of saving the country from starvation, despite themselves.
4
The Big Lebowski
OK, so I know you’re not into Halloween, but—hear me out—if you were to dress up, even for your own poops and giggles, no one would dare fault you for mixing a White Russian and throwing on a chunky wool cardigan for a screening of The Big Lebowski. Heck, invite a friend to come as Walter (John Goodman). If you haven’t seen it, man, it’s the Coen Brothers’ legendary tale of Jeff “The Dude” Lebowski (Jeff Bridges), a mellow L.A. slacker content in his middling life of bowling and hanging with the high-strung Walter and pushover, Donny (Steve Buscemi). The Dude’s life is totally bummed out when he’s mistaken for another Lebowski, a rich guy who owes a lot of money to some thugs. It’s hilarious, absurd, and full of one-liners you’ll be quoting for, like, ever.
It’s OK, there’s no judgment here—Halloween isn’t for everyone, and sometimes you just want to hunker down in your living room with a streaming service or three and your own bowl of candy.